Food Friday - Banana Split Bites

I had a little time yesterday afternoon (you know … when everything is caught up and it’s really to close to the end of the day to start on a new project) so I was trolling around on Pinterest for a little bit.  It’s really quite a dangerous thing to do at the end of the day because of the monumental recipe content.  I came upon this picture of “Banana Split Bites” and was a little intrigued.  When I clicked on a link it took me to www.momables.com -- hmm, these were healthy snacks intended for kids.  Well, I wasn’t going to let that stop me.  They do look like a wonderful alternative to milk and cookies for the little ones after school. 

They also look like a wonderful dessert option for someone on a diet looking for a treat!

As Laura Fuentes (I am making the assumption she is “momables”) says, “This is one MOMtreat you won’t feel guilty about eating.  Yes, haven’t you heard?  There are health benefits of eating chocolate (in moderation).  Another bonus to the great taste of these sweet treats is that they are low-carbohydrate (diabetic friendly).

Imagine putting a plate of these on the table for a dessert option … even my non-dieting family members would gobble them up. 

So with greatest thanks to Momablesâ here’s the recipe.

Banana Split Bites

Ingredients

12  1” pieces pineapple

1 banana cut into bite sized pieces (make sure your banana is not too ripe)

6 medium sized strawberries, cut in half

2.5 ounces dark chocolate

1 teaspoon coconut oil

Chopped nuts (optional)

Instructions

1.      Cut fruit and assemble into stacks

2.      Press a popsicle stick through the fruit and freeze until solid

3.      Prepare baking sheet with parchment paper

4.      Melt the chocolate along with the coconut oil on the stove-top or in the microwave, stirring frequently to prevent burning.  Once completely melted, remove the frozen fruit from the freezer

5.      Dip the fruit in the chocolate, let the excess drop off and then place on the sheet to harden

6.      If desired, dip the chocolate covered side immediately in chopped nuts or coconut before placing them on the sheet to harden

7.      Once the chocolate is completely hardened, remove from the sheet and place in an airtight container to store in the freezer until ready to serve

Notes

Make sure that your bananas are not too ripe.  If you use a ripe banana the sugars break down which will result in a mushy banana once thawed.  Using an unripe banana will prevent this.

Vintage Thursdays 2

Love the shoes !!

Less Fat -- More Flavor

This article appeared in the February/March 2014 issue of TOPS News magazine and although all members of TOPS receive the magazine, well uhm, let’s face it – we don’t always read all the articles.  I thought the information was good to share so I used it as the topic of our weekly meeting.

Jeanette Hurt writes the article.

Healthy doesn’t have to equal “tastes like sawdust”.  You can trim fat without sacrificing flavor.  Just use the following tips and you, too, can prepare delicious meals that are also good for you.

CUTTING FAT

 Up the veggies …

A simple, yet tasteful, technique to shed fat and calories is to increase the amount of vegetables a recipe calls for.  Instead of adding one cup of broccoli florets to your stir-fry, add two cups.  Add a half-cup more mushrooms to your pasta.  Every little bit increases good things – vitamins, minerals and fiber – while decreasing the overall fat and calories per serving.

You may need to slightly increase the cooking time or add a little bit more liquid to cook those extra vegetables – and a shake or two from your saltshaker – but you won’t have to add copious amounts of extra seasoning or oil when you just add more vegetables.

You can also add vegetables to recipes that don’t call for them.  Grate a half-cup of zucchini into your meatloaf; add mushrooms, cauliflower and broccoli to your mac and cheese; or toss in tomatoes with your tuna salad.  The secret to adding vegetables to things like meatloaf, meatballs and burgers is to grate and chop the vegetable very finely.  Sometimes, I first use the grating blade on my food processor, and then I puree the grated vegetables with its standard S-blade.  That way, no one can tell I’ve added veggies to my meatloaf.

Wipe don’t pour …

One of the problems when I’m cooking fast is I sometimes pour more oil into my pan than I want to.  Instead of pouring the oil directly into the pan, I pour a little bit onto a paper towel, and then wipe that across the pan.  Voila.  No more oil overload.

Heat the pan first …

I also heat my pan for one minute before I wipe the oil (carefully!), and then allow the oil to warm for 30 seconds to one minute.  That way, when I add my vegetable, meat or fish, the pan is hot and the oil is hot – so the food will cook more quickly and absorb less oil.  I also don’t end up adding more oil as the food cooks.

BOOSTING FLAVOR

 Use only new dried spices and herbs …

When you open a spice jar, you should get a big, big whiff of the spice – oregano, for example, should smell strongly like oregano.  If you only get a tiny sniff of spice, toss the jar.  You have to smell it – if it doesn’t smell wonderful then it’s no good.  Jeff King, a Chicago chef specializing in sausage making, says that adding old spices really is like adding sawdust to your foods – they don’t do anything good to your recipes at all.

Most dried herbs and spices only last for one year in your cupboards, and if you’re like me, you probably don’t use all of them up before they are past their prime.  I’ve learned to buy spices in smaller quantities – I either get the smaller jars, or I approach the bulk counter and measure out only a couple of spoonfuls.  By using dried spices and herbs that are fragrant, their flavors will really wake up foods.

Use fresh herbs when you can …

There’s nothing more aromatic than fresh herbs.  Even dried herbs don’t have that zing.  Because I use small amounts at any one time, I try to grow my herbs.  Some I grow in my garden, and I use them all summer and fall.  Others I grow in a pot, so I can have them ready to snip when I need them.

 And if you can’t get them fresh, get them frozen.  Many gourmet food stores sell frozen cubes of cilantro, basil and garlic.  But you can also make frozen cubes.  Simply take what fresh herbs you are not using, chop them in a food processor with a little water, and then pour into ice cube trays and freeze.  Place the frozen cubes in freezer-proof sandwich bags – and pop out a cube when you need a burst of flavor for your dishes.

Buy the best quality food you can afford …

When you use fresh foods, your recipes will taste better.  But buying fresh and good quality doesn’t have to equal expensive.  I’ve found good meats and vegetables at ethnic grocery stores, discount food stores and farmers markets.  In fact, I’ve shopped around to find the cheapest farmers market in my city (it’s not, unfortunately, the one in my neighbourhood!), and that’s where I buy my produce in bulk.

One of the challenges with buying fresh is making sure you use it before you lose it – or rather, before it goes bad in you icebox.  What helps my cut down on waste is that I try to prep my vegetables as soon as I get them home.  That way, on busy nights, I can grab things and make dinner in a hurry.

Roast your veggies …

To make your carrots taste like candy, to make your tomatoes sparkle like rubies, and to make your garlic soft and so, so garlicky – roast them.  Root vegetables especially taste great when roasted.  Simply preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.  Prep your veggies, and line them in a roasting pan.  Drizzle a little – and I mean only a little – extra virgin alive oil on the vegetables (one and a half teaspoons for five pounds of tomatoes, for example) and sprinkle salt and pepper on top.  Roast for one hour.

Food Friday ... Fiddlehead Ferns

My daughter and I were having a conversation about various adventures in eating and fiddleheads came up … I don’t remember ever serving or eating fiddleheads but she seems to recall having tried them at some point … shrug?

The vast majority of my exposure to fiddleheads comes from reading Stephen King’s the Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.  A little girl becomes lost in the woods while on a hike with her family.  Hunger leads her to foraging in the forest and she comes across fiddleheads, which she proceeds to eat raw.  She survives her ordeal but apparently one should NEVER eat fiddleheads raw!  That’s why it’s called fiction.

Always on the lookout for new taste “sensations” that are on the healthy and low-cal side I decided that since this was the season for fiddleheads, I would check into how to prepare them.

Wanting a reliable source I went to the Government of Canada website at http://healthycanadians.gc.ca/eating-nutrition/safety-salubrite/fiddlehead-fougere-eng.php#a8 which included fiddlehead safety tips (always a good place to start when preparing a food with which one is not familiar.

“Fiddleheads are the curled, edible shoots of the ostrich fern and are considered a seasonal delicacy in many parts of North America.  Fresh fiddleheads ferns are only available in the Spring and the rest of the year they can be found frozen”

Cleaning:

Using your fingers, remove as much of the brown papery husk on the fiddlehead as possible.  Wash the fiddleheads in several changes of fresh, cold water to remove any residual husk or dirt.

Cooking:

Cook fiddleheads in a generous amount of boiling water for 15 minutes, or steam them for 10 to 12 minute until tender.  Discard the water used for boiling or steaming the fiddleheads.

Cook fiddleheads before sautéing, frying, baking, or using them in other foods like mousses and soups.

Freezing:

Clean the fiddleheads properly.

Boil them for two minutes.

Discard the cooking water.

Plunge the fiddleheads into cold water and drain.

Pack the fiddleheads in freezer containers or bags.

Store the fiddleheads in the freezer for up to one year for best quality.

Follow the complete cooking instructions above before serving.

NEVER refreeze thawed food.

Preserving:

Do not use pressure canner to preserve fiddleheads at home.  Safe process times have not been established for home-preserved fiddleheads.

Nutritional Value:

From http://www.nutrition-and-you.com/fiddlehead-ferns.html

“Fiddleheads are unique in their appearance, taste, and nutritional profile.  The curly young shoots contain only 34 calories per 100 grams, yet their high quality plant-nutrition profile consists of health benefiting antioxidants, vitamins, and omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids.”

Fiddleheads are very high in antioxidant vitamin-A, containing 120% of the daily-recommended requirement.

Fiddleheads are an excellent source of B-carotenes.

Their sweet taste comes from their richness in Vitamin-C, containing 26% of the daily-recommended requirement.

They are an excellent source of minerals and electrolytes, especially potassium, iron, magnesium and copper.

IMPORTANT ** IMPORTANT ** IMPORTANT

 Unless you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you know what you are doing, purchase them at a market or in the produce section.  

Fiddleheads do grow wild, but as tempting as it sounds to go and pick some for yourself while enjoying a nice walk in the woods, it is recommended that unless you are

Not all fiddlehead ferns in the woods are suitable for human consumption.  Only ostrich fern is free from toxins.  Other types of ferns such as foxglove and bracken ferns are not safe to eat because they may be toxic or carcinogenic.

RECIPES:

When I was looking for some easy recipes to try with fiddleheads it was frequently pointed out that their taste is comparable to asparagus.  Fiddleheads seem to be a natural paring with seafood as many recipes were simply steamed and then sautéed fiddleheads served with some version of salmon.  They also seem to pair well sautéed with bacon and onions and/or served with pasta.  I even came across a recipe for making fiddlehead wine at http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/request213.asp

At http://www.closetcooking.com/2011/06/fiddlehead-tart.html I found this recipe which was a slightly different, and very attractive, use for the fiddleheads --  Fiddlehead Tart with Gruyere Cheese.

The most comprehensive recipe sight for fiddleheads that I came across was http://www.blisstree.com/2013/04/15/food/vegetarian-recipes-for-spring-with-fiddlehead-ferns/#1 offering 10 vegetarian recipes for fiddleheads ferns.  The soup sounded very tempting and since it’s my first time trying these little delicacies that may be the way I go.

So, I might be trying something a little different this weekend!

Vintage Thursdays 1

I spent some time looking around on the Internet lately and came across a wonderful cache of vintage “health and exercise” pictures.  Some of them contain information that is still current today, some of them are interesting to look at and some of them, admittedly, are just humorous to see. 

I thought it would be fun to share them on here once in a while.

We’ve come a long way baby!

Rev Up Our Engines

Well, once again I have been away from here for too long.  I have not only been sliding in doing my posts but I have been backsliding in my weight loss efforts too.  It was a long hard winter and for a number of reasons (that I do not need to get into here for fear of boring you) my head has not been in the game.  Does it show on the scales ... most definitely!

But what's done is done and can, thankfully, be undone.

So, I'm starting again TODAY.

We hear a lot of talk about metabolism and weight loss (in my case it’s usually “I must have a slow metabolism”), so I thought I’d check into it a little bit and see what metabolism is exactly, and is it true that we can rev up our metabolism in any way.

Let’s start with a short quiz …

What is metabolism?

1. Your ability to digest fatty foods
2. Your body’s ability to burn calories
3. Your brain telling you you’re hungry
4. Your ability to believe in the supernatural

Which of these is the best way to adjust your eating habits?

1. Eat small meals frequently
2. Eat as little as possible
3. Eat two large meals per day
4. Eat at Joe’s

Drinking water is an effective way to increase you metabolism if …

1. It’s room temperature
2. It’s ice cold
3. It’s lightly salted
4. It’s fluoridated

If you are overweight, you actually have a faster metabolism?

1. True
2. False

How does an increase in muscle affect your RMR (Resting Metabolic Rate)

1. Your RMR will go up
2. Your RMR will go down
3. Your RMR will be unaffected
4. You’ll need some R and R

When doing aerobic exercise, you should ideally work out for 30 minutes with …

1. A raised heart rate
2. A good sweat
3. Ice water
4. A sweet play list

Your daily caloric intake should be …

1. Less than your RMR
2. Between your RMR and your maintenance intake
3. Your RMR and dessert

Which of these foods actually increase your rate of metabolism?

1. Grapefruit
2. Celery
3. Garlic
4. None of the above

As you lose weight, your body needs …

1. More calories
2. Fewer calories
3. Fewer carbohydrates
4. New clothes

Which of these is NOT a factor in determining your RMR?

1. Age
2. Weight
3. Gender
4. The amount of sleep you get

ANSWERS

1. Metabolism is the body’s ability to burn calories.  Increasing your metabolism means burning more calories and therefore burning more weight.
2. Having smaller, more frequent meals instead of larger ones will help limit unhealthy snacking and reduce overeating.  Bonus:  Eating healthy snacks will also help increase your metabolism.
3. Drinking plenty of water is good, but ice cold water is even better for increasing metabolism.  This is because your body expends extra calories warming the water to your body temperature.
4. Surprising as it is, overweight people actually have a faster metabolism than skinnier people.  However, if someone is overweight it means their metabolism isn’t fast enough to counteract their caloric intake, leading to weight gain.
5. An increase in muscle mass will increase your RMR.  This is because muscle burns more calories – even at rest – than fat.
6. When doing aerobic exercise, work out for 30 minutes with an increased heart rate.  It will temporarily boost your metabolism and burn calories.
7. Keep your caloric intake between your RMR and your maintenance intake.  It’s just as important to avoid under-eating as it is to avoid overeating.
8. The idea that certain foods will increase your metabolism is a myth.  However, eating small meals more frequently will definitely help.
9. As you lose weight, you’ll need fewer calories.  But we have good news!  As you lose weight, your appetite will shrink, so you won’t feel as hungry.  Losing weight is about moderation, not deprivation!
10. Sleep does not affect your resting metabolic rate.  RMR is the rate at which your body burns calories doing nothing, so it is only affected by your age, weight, height, and gender.

Now that we all see how much (or little) we understand about metabolism, let’s see what it is really all about.

Your body’s metabolism is the rate at which your cells produce energy and that translates into the rate at which your body burns calories.  It is the process of breaking down the 3 macronutrients – proteins, carbohydrates and fats – by your body in order for it to maintain itself.  AND – the number of calories you burn during eating and exercising every day influences metabolism and obviously the number of calories you consume.  That part is completely in your control.

The number of calories that are expended due to your genetic makeup also influences metabolism.  Forget about being able to influence your genes.  They are what they are!  Thank your parents for that.  Although they are a factor, the also account for very little of how many calories are spent each day. 

Age is a huge factor influencing your metabolism.  Unfortunately, from the age of around 25 the average person’s metabolism decreases by between 5% and 10% each decade.

Gender also influences your metabolism as men generally burn calories more quickly then women because they have more muscle tissue.

RMR was mentioned frequently in the quiz.  RMR stands for RESTING METABLIC RATE not to be confused the BMR which is your BASAL METABLIC RATE which can only be calculated in a controlled clinical or laboratory setting.  It’s easy to get a ballpark figure for your RMR by doing the following:

1. Weigh yourself first thing in the morning (to avoid weighing the food you ingest during the day
2. Convert your weight into kilograms (weight in lbs divided by 2.2)
3. For females use the following formula:  (10 x weight) + (6.25 x height) – (5 x age) – 161 = RMR.  For males use the following formula:  (10 x weight) + (6.25 x height) – (5 x age) + 5 = RMR.

Your RMR will tell you how many calories you need to maintain your body at rest.  Your daily consumption to maintain your current weight should be:  RMR x 1.15.  To lose weight safely, do not exceed your maintenance intake or have a caloric intake lower than your calculated RMR.

It seems to me that between age, genetics and all the math involved beating your metabolism into submission might be a thankless and nearly impossible task with regards to weight loss.  Alas, fear not – there are some things that you can do to work with your metabolism instead of against it.

Let’s start with the metabolism “killers”.  These are things that you CAN change and those changes will help “rev” up that metabolism.

Not getting enough sleep

I did a whole post on the importance of sleep to any weight loss effort and here it is again.  If you are not getting seven to eight hours of sleep a night, you might be killing your metabolism.  Studies show that not getting enough shut eye can lead to chemical reactions that increase fat storage and make you hungrier.

Eating before bed

If you snack right before bed, your body won’t deal with the excess calories – it’s busy recovering from the day.  Instead, it will slow down your metabolism and save the calories as fat.

Carbs

Who doesn’t love carbs?  They taste great, but they also cause your blood sugar to spike, which in turn increases your fat storage.  It’s a chemical thing.

Not enough protein

Protein is important for building lean muscle mass, which burns fat, but it’s also important for your digestive system.  If you’re not eating enough protein, chances are your body isn’t digesting food properly and instead is storing it as fat.

Sitting still

Sitting around all day – whether at the office or on the couch – puts your metabolism in a near vegetative state.  And, when that happens, your metabolism shuts down.  Get up and move!

Drinking alcohol

A cold beer might help you relax, but it stresses out your metabolism.  Alcohol is high in calories and sugar, both of which confuse your metabolism and make it shut down.

Too many processed foods

They’re cheap, tasty and guaranteed to make your metabolism scream “NO MORE”.

Yo-yo dieting

Starving yourself to lose a few pounds – and then binging.  Starving yourself to lose a few pounds – and then binging again.  If this is your eating cycle, your metabolism is wondering what in the world is going on – and your body will go into survival mode, which means it’s storing calories as fat instead of burning them.

Cycling (not the good kind)

Hitting the bike for 30 minutes a day is good for your metabolism  “Weight cycling” is not.  If your weight goes up and down and up and down, you’re messing with your metabolism.

So, what can you do to get your old metabolism back?  Some of the answers are as obvious as reversing the bad habits mentioned above …

Sleep

Make sure you get enough sleep.  The amount of calories that your body burns at rest is decreased if you’re not getting enough sleep.

Eat more protein

Your body burns twice as many calories trying to break down and digest high protein food, compared to high carb or high fat foods.  Try to include at least one protein at every meal.

Eat often

Every 2 – 3 hours is ideal even if just snacking.  This feeds

muscles and starves fat.  Your body is a clever little thing and it is reassured if food comes in on a regular basis.  If you typically skip breakfast (a cup of strong coffee DOES NOT constitute breakfast!), then grab a light sandwich for lunch and a big dinner in the evening it means that you are potentially fasting for 16 – 19 hours every day.  Not great!

Reverse the aging process

Don’t get excited now, I am not about to tell you about a new magic pill.  Simply, stay active and keep exercising – even as you get older.  Studies show that those that stay active see an average .3% drop in metabolism every decade (as opposed to the 5% - 10% drop mentioned above).

Have a plan to get more toned

Getting more toned is another way of saying adding lean tissue.  This means adding muscle (not bulking up) but adding more muscle.  Basically you burn more calories at rest the more muscle you have.

Do some interval training with heavier than average weight.

Whether this means 4 pounds instead of two or twenty pounds instead of fifteen … this will give your metabolism a boost for up to 24 hours as your body uses up energy in order to repair tiny (and healthy) muscle tears.

Omega 3 fish oils

EPA and DHA are the fatty acids found in fish oils.  Studies have shown that these can increase the amount of calories your metabolism burns by up to 400 calories per day!!  They increase levels of fat burning enzymes and decrease fat storage enzymes.

I’ll close this by answering the burning question that I’m sure is at the top of everyone’s mind … are there any foods that will increase your metabolism?  Sadly to say – No! Some foods and drinks like red peppers and green tea have been studied for the potential for increasing metabolism but the is no conclusive evidence that their effect is enough to result in actual weight loss.

So although there are no foods to “boost” you metabolism it is important to eat properly.  You need to eat breakfast.  The first meal in the morning can increase your resting metabolic rate by as much as 10%.  BUT – avoid fatty breakfast foods and opt for healthy alternative such as fruits, granola, yogurt and whole-wheat toast or cereal.  Try to include a protein.  Snacking is okay because a snack can be a good metabolism booster.  BUT – make sure to munch on snacks that have the appropriate amount of proteins and carbs, such as banana, peanut butter, carrots, and apples.  Don’t cut back too far on calories.  Most people think that the most effective way to lose weight is to cut down their caloric intake.  However, this only leads to a slower metabolic rate because the body undergoes a process known as “dietary induced thermogenesis”.  That’s a fancy way of saying it goes into “starvation mode”.  The body thinks it’s out of energy (food) so it alters the metabolism to preserve the fats and carbs.  Avoid taking lesser amounts of calories than recommended, or else the body will try to conserve its limited resources, and the result will be a slower metabolism and that will lead to weight gain instead. 

I hope this has helped to “de-myth” metabolism a little bit.  As usual I have combined what I think was the best of numerous and respectable sources to compile my information.

www.webmd.com/makethemostofyourmetabolism

www.glambistro.com/natural-metabolism-boosters

Food Renegade, Kristen Michaelis (editor)

www.fitterbodybootcap.com

www.beliteweight.com

Because I'm Worth It!

We all do it – someone pays us a compliment like “what a beautiful blouse” and instead of a “thank you” we say “it would be even nicer if I could lose the spare tire under the blouse!”

Why do we always pick out our flaws and rarely focus on what we LIKE about ourselves?

 Did you know that Heidi Clum and Brad Pitt have “flaws”? Sure! We all do. Wouldn’t we be annoyed or think it’s ridiculous if they started complaining about what they thought they could improve?

Well it’s the same for YOU!

There is always someone who admires something about you right now!  YOU need to start focusing on what you like about yourself and not what you’d like to change. Sticking to a healthier lifestyle will be more attainable if you can learn how to love yourself the way you are NOW and decide that YOU DESERVE to continue to become healthier for YOU!

Think about it – confidence is the SEXIEST accessory out there.  We all know that girl that society calls “pretty, skinny, etc” who isn’t happy with herself.  She gives off a self-conscious energy and seems to sink into herself.

But we also know some extremely confident full figured women/men who may not at first be the most “attractive” in the stereotypical sense but walk into a room with their head held high and a huge smile and we think they are captivating!  Their confidence makes them attractive!

Think about this next time you are on a date or spending “time” with your partner.  How would you like it if they started complaining about their weight, etc. when you already love them for the person they are?  A bit of a turn-off eh?   So try it – every day when you look in the mirror pick out one thing you like about yourself and hold that with you all day – and if you see something you don’t then keep it to yourself, acknowledge it if it’s something you could slowly work to change, and replace it with a positive thought.

Believe it or not being sexy comes from the inside.

I found the above included in a blog called *Confidence * The Sexiest Accessory* at

http://healthyconfidentyou.com/

Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe is an American actress who made her acting debut in the 2009 film Precious, a role that brought her a nomination for the Academy Award for Best Actress. From 2010 to 2013, she was a main cast member of the Showtime series The Big C. She co-starred on the television series American Horror Story: Coven as Queenie.

Gabby was spoke recently at the Gloria Awards and Gala hosted by the Ms. Foundation for Women.  It also doubled as Gloria Steinem’s 80^th birthday party.  Ms. Steinmen co-founded Ms. Magazine and has long been an energetic activist for women’s rights.  Obviously Gabby is not your typical cover girl … but she does have what the rest of us might be lacking … SELF CONFIDENCE.

SELF CONFIDENCE is the major ingredient in accomplishing anything and achieving your goals, no matter what they are … and that includes making lifestyle changes.  I was quite impressed and inspired by what she said so I thought it would be good to share it here.

We all need a self-confidence booster now and again!

I'm so excited to be here. Really, really excited. Okay, I'll get to it. Hi. One of the first things people usually ask me is, "Gabourey, how are you so confident?" I hate that. I always wonder if that's the first thing they ask Rihanna when they meet her. "RiRi! How are you so confident?" Nope. No. No. But me? They ask me with that same incredulous disbelief every single time. "You seem so confident! How is that?"

When I was ten years old, in the fifth grade, my teacher, Miss Lowe had announced that my class would be having a holiday party right before the Christmas break. She asked if we all could bring snacks or soda or juice to the class party. She also said we had the option of cooking something, if we like. I was so excited. I immediately decided that I would make gingerbread cookies, and that everyone would love them. I told my mom my plan, and I asked her for money to go buy the ingredients. She thought I should just buy store-bought cookies, but I told her, "Those cookies didn't have enough love in them!" I had to make the cookies. So I bought the mix, and I bought cookie cutters in the shape of Christmas trees and bells, and I made a practice batch of cookies that went horribly wrong. Good thing they were a practice batch. They were awful. And then the night before the party, I made another batch of cookies. And they were also awful, but they looked a lot better. I carefully put the cookies in a Ziplock bag, so I could take them to school the next day. When I got to school that morning, I could not wait until that party. And I was so proud of those cookies, and all the effort I put into making them, I started to think that maybe I wouldn't just be the first woman black President * maybe I would also be a celebrity chef! I mean, why limit myself?

The party was set to take place during the last hour of school, and I waited excitedly for it all day long. Finally, it was party time. My teacher asked what everyone brought, and I proudly announced that I had baked cookies for the class. I think I felt prouder knowing that everyone else just bought stuff. I was the only one who made anything, because clearly, I'm a little more clever than anyone else. So as the party starts up, I walk around the class, proudly offering cookies to everyone. No one took a cookie. No one. No one except Nicholas, who was the first person I offered one to. But after a few of our other classmates set him straight, he actually caught up with me as I walked around the class, and gave the cookie back. I walked around the class trying to hand out cookies to my class, until I ended up back at my desk with the same amount of cookies that I started with. I sat at my desk alone, eating those gross gingerbread cookies that took hours to make, all by myself. I put chocolate chips in them, that's why they were gross. I wasn't surprised. I just forgot for a moment that my entire class hated me. I had zero friends from the fourth grade to the sixth grade. Who the hell was I baking cookies for? I really got so excited to bake that I had forgotten that everyone hated my guts. Why didn't they like me? I was fat, yes. I had darker skin and weird hair, yes. But the truth is, this isn't a story about bulling, or color, or weight. They hated me because... I was an asshole!

Yep. I was a bossy, bossy asshole. See, remember when I said that I thought I was more clever than everyone else? Well, I did! And I told them that * every single day! Those kids couldn't get a word in edgewise, without me cutting them off to remind them that I was smarter, funnier, and all around wittier than them. I was always sarcastic * I called it my birth defect. And let's face it, kids don't get sarcasm. They don't appreciate it. They never knew what I was talking about. And when they would say, "Wait... huh?" I would say, "My God, Alicia, read a book!" I know. I spoke differently than them, I just did. I sounded more like a Valley Girl than a Brooklyn girl. My classmates always asked me if I was adopted by white people. I'd say, "No. Both my parents went to college." I know that was rude, but I'm still really proud of that. To be fair, in my neighborhood, not everyone's parents had the opportunity to go to college. Most of my classmates' parents were teens when they had them. My parents had me at age 30. My father was born in Senegal. His father was the mayor of the capital city, Dakar, and my dad often took my brother and I back home with him to visit Africa, while most of my classmates had never stepped out of the Lower East Side. My mother was a teacher in high school, that's why I went there, but my mom also had a voice, so when I was nine, she quit her teaching job to go sing in the subway. She actually made more money as a singer for tips than she made as a teacher! I know! And she was quickly becoming the underground version of Whitney Houston. She was the strongest, smartest, and most talented person I had ever known. Even today, I don't want to grow up to be anyone as much as I want to grow up to be her. I know!

The point is, I was a snob. I thought I was better than the kids in my class, and I let them know it. That's why they didn't like me. I think the reason I thought so highly of myself all the time was because no one else ever did. I figured out I was smart because my mother would yell at my older brother. She'd say, "Your little sister is going to pass you in school. You're going to get left behind and she's going to graduate before you." But she never said to me, "You are smart." What she did say was, "You are too fat." I got the message that I wasn't pretty, and I probably wasn't normal, but I was smart! Why wouldn't they just say that? "You're smart." It's actually not that hard. My dad would yell at my brother, "Gabourey does her homework by herself! Why can't you?" But he never said to me, "Good job." What he did say was, "You need to lose weight so I can be proud of you." I know. So I got made fun of at school, I got made fun of at home too, my older brother hated me, my dad just didn't understand me, and my mom, who had been a fat girl at my age herself, understood me perfectly ... but she berated me because she was so afraid of what she knew was to come for me. So I never felt safe when I was at home. And my response was always to eat more, because nothing says, "You hurt my feelings. F*** you!" like eating a delicious cookie. Cookies never hurt me.

"Gabourey, how are you so confident?" It's not easy. It's hard to get dressed up for award shows and red carpets when I know I will be made fun of because of my weight. There's always a big chance if I wear purple, I will be compared to Barney. If I wear white, a frozen turkey. And if I wear red, that pitcher of Kool-Aid that says, "Oh, yeah!" Twitter will blow up with nasty comments about how the recent earthquake was caused by me running to a hot dog cart or something. And "Diet or Die?" [She gives the finger to that] This is what I deal with every time I put on a dress. This is what I deal with every time someone takes a picture of me. Sometimes when I'm being interviewed by a fashion reporter, I can see it in her eyes, "How is she getting away with this? Why is she so confident? How does she deal with that body? Oh my God, I'm going to catch fat!"

What I would say, is my mom moved my brother and I to my aunt's house. Her name is Dorothy Pitman Hughes, she is a feminist, an activist, and a lifelong friend of Gloria Steinem. Every day, I had to get up and go to school where everyone made fun of me, and I had to go home to where everyone made fun of me. Every day was hard to get going, no matter which direction I went. And on my way out of the house, I found strength. In the morning on the way out to the world, I passed by a portrait of my aunt and Gloria together. Side by side they

stood, one with long beautiful hair and one with the most beautiful, round, Afro hair I had ever seen, both with their fists held high in the air. Powerful. Confident. And every day as I would leave the house... I would give that photo a fist right back. And I'd march off into battle.[She starts crying]I didn't know that I was being inspired then. On my way home, I'd walk back up those stairs, I'd give that photo the fist again, and continue my march back in for more battle.[She pulls a tissue from her cleavage and dabs her eyes]That's what boobs are for! I didn't know I was being inspired then, but I was. If they could feel like that, maybe I could! I just wanted to look that cool. But it made me feel that strong.

So, okay, we're back in fifth grade, and I just had been rejected by 28 kids in a row. And I was sitting alone at my desk, with an empty Ziplock bag, crumbs in my lap, and I was at this great party that I had waited for all week. I waited all week for this party that I wasn't invited to. And for some reason I got up, I sat on my desk, and I partied my ass off. I laughed loudly when something funny happened. And when Miss Lowe put on music, I was one of the first ones to get up and dance. I joined the limbo, and ate chips, and drank soda, and I enjoyed myself, even though no one wanted me there. You know why? I told you * I was an asshole! I wanted that party! And what I want trumps what 28 people want me to do, especially when what they want me to do is leave. I had a great time. I did. And if I somehow ruined my classmates' good time, then that's on them. "How are you so confident?" "I'm an asshole!" Okay? It's my good time, and my good life, despite what you think of me. I live my life, because I dare. I dare to show up when everyone else might hide their faces and hide their bodies in shame. I show up because I'm an asshole, and I want to have a good time. And my mother and my father love me. They wanted the best life for me, and they didn't know how to verbalize it. And I get it. I really do. They were better parents to me than they had themselves. I'm grateful to them, and to my fifth grade class, because if they hadn't made me cry, I wouldn't be able to cry on cue now. [Dabs tears] If I hadn't been told I was garbage, I wouldn't have learned how to show people I'm talented. And if everyone had always laughed at my jokes, I wouldn't have figured out how to be so funny. If they hadn't told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty. And if they hadn't tried to break me down, I wouldn't know that I'm unbreakable. [Dabs tears] So when you ask me how I'm so confident, I know what you're really asking me: how could someone like me be confident? Go ask Rihanna, asshole!

Now I am in now way suggesting that we all become “assholes” while trying to make lifestyle changes, but sometimes we need to put on our big girl panties and decide to get the job done … no matter what anyone says.  Embrace the people who are supporting you and those that aren’t as supportive – embrace them even tighter and prove them wrong!

Most importantly … prove to yourself that you can do it and are worth the effort!

Remember, if we are always thinking in terms of

“I wish I could be… “

“I want to, but …”

“I hate it when I …”

Then we will never be happy.

It’s ok to want to change things about ourselves but first we need to take a step back and learn to love ourselves from the START ... and AVOID the promise that we will love ourselves ONLY WHEN we attain a certain goal.

Because guess what… there will always be something on your list of wants/hates/wishes.

Start thinking about in terms of

“I love …”

“I like…” and,

“I am proud of myself because …”