The Dieter's Travelling Salvation Show

I recently came upon this blog post and as soon as I read it I KNEW I had to share it here.  I thought it was brilliant and immediately emailed the author and asked his permission to share it.  Kindly enough, he agreed.
 
I have written several times about the fact that there is NO MAGIC PILL.  Everyone wants to lose weight quickly … but slow and steady is the way to go … and it takes patience, diligence, portion control, self-control and lots of hard work.  For all the times I have mentioned the NO MAGIC PILL thing, never could I have put it in such a great way.  So, to set the mood, play Neil Diamond’s “Brother Love’s Travelling Salvation Show” in the background and read the following …

For this post and more equally insightful, well written and (dare I say) funny (I admit it, I do appreciate sarcastic humour!!) you can visit http://downsizinghoss.com.  The blog is geared towards men losing weight, but the writing is great and the “advice” is spot on!

 

FAT MAN’S REVIVAL

(to be read in your best southern preacher voice)

Brothers and sisters, I come to you today a man humbled. For I have sinned before the food and have been made the more fat for it.

That is right, for we have been made fat in that we have not seen the ways of the thin!

For we search for that shining beacon on the hill.

That glorious refrigerator light that shall not be extinguished.

That prayer for the well proportioned.

But we have been led astray …

Before you we have seen the bodies of the wicked. Displaying their headless torsos and their wanton biceps. And they have led us to believe that should we travel their path then we are wont to shrink. They see this way of work and strife, this effort and attention to detail, as a fix for our supposedly mistaken ideas and outmoded principles. For it seems that we are not modern enough, nor smart enough to realize the true way.

But I am here to tell you that not all is lost! For no longer do we have to lift the ore of the earth, nor must we prostrate ourselves on hellish machines. Yay, but we can ignore the cult of the cardio and the temple of the weights.

For there is a better way.

I know you know what I am talking about! For I have been to the mountain top!

I have seen the land of the wraps and the keytones. I have witnessed the residents of the Beach of the South and their holy war on the evil carbohydrates. A land that is true and good. A people that sees the threat of the sugar and the vile white of the tater.

And so I say to you my flock that we will now partake of the juicer, and begin our day on a holy mission to fire up our furnace! To burn that, what was once asleep. To find our way to that true, toned self that lurks just one body lotion away from our true metabolism. Nestled in the bosom of the green coffee bean.

A metabolism fired not by blasphemous science, but one born of faith. Faith in the Doctor of Oz!

Faith in stoking the fires of digestion until at last one day, we may kneel at the altar of the HCG. Praying forth to battle the sins of the cortisol as it attaches itself to our fatted bellies.

It is our one true hope … to find this way.

And I leave you today not in sweat and exertion, but in repose and thoughtful meditation. To find that way which will allow us to be truly free. Free of responsibility. Free of physical challenge. And most importantly, free from toxins.

Now we must go forth. Through the internet. Seek out the “trackers” and the “counters” and show them the error of their stressful ways. For we have found the way of the couch. We spread the word of the slovenly. We spread the hope to shrink without work.

Can I get an Amen?