Reader’s Digest has known the secret for
years.
“Laughter is the Best Medicine”.As it turns out, they were right. A study at Vanderbilt University showed that you could burn up to 50 calories by laughing 10-15 minutes each day. When laughing, people burned a lot more calories. Laughter has other health benefits that include things like strain reduction, immune system boosting, natural pain relief and increased blood flow.
But …
Once you go on a diet, quiet often instead of a pound or
two, the first thing you lose is your sense of humor. I wish I could claim all these as original thoughts, but they are
actually a compilation of humorous tips and quotes I found on the Internet. They are meant to elicit at least a giggle
(if not an outright guffaw) but some of them … well … they kind of make sense
(at least in my twisted little mind).
Judge for yourself. After
all,“LMAO” is a great way to reduce weight in your hindquarters.
Ready?
Let’s “laugh-ercise”!
Put up a full length
mirror …
On your refrigerator
door.
then
Eat your food while
staring into that mirror …
Totally naked!
“When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest
away. But first I spray them with Raid
so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later.
Be careful though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad.”
- Janette Barber
When eating donuts …
Only eat the center
part.
Use the parental
block feature on your television, for the Food Network.
Then eat the paper
where you wrote down the pin and password.
If you are having
Chinese food …
Eat with one
chopstick.
“You know it’s time to diet when you push away from the
table and the table moves.”
- Quoted in The Cockle Bur
Instead of carrying
you laptop around with you …
Carry your desktop
computer instead.
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
- Miss Piggy
Remove the wheels …
From your grocery
cart.
Use superglue …
As a lip gloss.
Only eat food that
you can catch …
With a toothpick.
“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so
he gave me pep pills. Know what
happened? I ate faster.”
- Joe Lewis
Like the silent tree
falling in the forest …
Food actually has no
calories if no one sees you eating it.
Just say “McNO”!
“I recently had my annual physical examination, which I
get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to
discover how much stronger the Earth’s gravitation pull has become since 1990.”
- Dave Barry
If you can’t pronounce
the ingredients …
It contains no
calories, but you probably shouldn’t eat it.
Eat anything you want
…
Just don’t swallow
it.
“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for
the steak to cook.”
- Julia Child
Running to the
refrigerator …
Is not considered
exercise.
Ask yourself …
Is there really
anything “lite” about “cellulite”?
If you ate pasta and
antipasti …
Would you still be
hungry?
If your dog is fat …
YOU are not getting
enough exercise.
The toughest part of
a diet isn’t watching what you eat …
It’s watching what
other people eat.
“The biggest seller is cookbooks and second biggest seller
is diet books. Basically, how not to
eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.”
- Andy Rooney
Self-delusion is
pulling in your stomach …
When you step on the
scale.
If you drink a diet
soda while eating a candy bar …
The calories in the
candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.
The older you get,
the tougher it is to lose weight …
Because by then your
body and your fat are really good friends.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for
four. Unless there are three other
people at the table.”
- Orson Welles
Dieting is …
Wishful shrinking.
Stressed spelled
backwards is desserts.
Coincidence? I think not!
I’m in shape.
Round is a shape,
isn’t it?
Try the cardiologist’s
diet.
If it tastes good …
spit it out!
Containers of food
that list the number of servings as greater than one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal,
bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.
Food has replaced sex
in my life;
I can’t even get into
my own pants.
Foods that are frozen
have no calorie because calories are units of heat …
Examples are ice
cream. Popsicles and frozen pies.
Power bars and other
types of energy bars make you thinner …
In all my years of
exercising I have only seen thin people eating energy bars, ergo they must make
you thin!
Tasting other
people’s food does not add to your calorie count.
Food used for
medicinal purposes NEVER count …
Such as hot
chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
I hope I’ve given you some giggle, snickers or laughs. With that I’ll close for now,
because after
all …
You can’t lose weight
by talking about it …
You have to keep your mouth shut!
No comments:
Post a Comment